3 confidence tips all teens and tweens need

I can distinctly remember being so unsure of myself, especially from around age 9 to 15.

I was always in my head, overthinking everything I said (and everything I didn’t say but wanted to), I’d lie awake worrying if people liked me, wondering if I was annoying, and feeling like I just wasn’t enough - not cool enough, not confident enough, not anything enough, no matter how hard I tried to fit in.

I remember feeling like everyone seemed to just know how to be themselves and that I had somehow missed the memo, feeling all awkward and unsure. It was lonely and I felt like I was always either trying way too hard to prove myself or just completely shutting down.

If your young person has lost their spark, is feeling anxious, self critical, or is avoiding things they used to love, you’re not alone. And neither are they.

I've been there and now I get to work with incredible young humans to help them rebuild their self worth, find their voice, and feel confident in who they are without any pressure to be perfect.

Here are three things I wish someone had told me back then and what I now teach the teens and tweens I support through Heartful Humans.

1. Confidence isn’t something you are - it’s something you build

I used to think that confidence was something you were either born with, or not. I thought some kids were just naturally outgoing and brave and the rest of us just had to suck it up.

But the truth is, that confidence is a skill. It’s something that is built in tiny moments, it’s not something people either have or don’t have. It grows when they do the thing that scares them, even just a little bit and then realise - I survived that. I did the thing.

Encourage your young person to do one mini brave move each day.

It could be:

Asking a question in class (even if their hands or voice shakes)

Saying hi first

Wearing something they love, even if it’s a little different or out there

Speaking up when they usually stay quiet

Saying no when they mean no

Then celebrate with a high five, a hug, or just let them know ‘I saw that and I’m proud of you.’ Whatever helps them feel that win and let it land. These little moments build real confidence from the inside out.

Confidence doesn’t come from big performances, it comes from the small, consistent wins that show them they are stronger than they think.

2. Their inner voice matters (so much!)

We don’t talk enough about how much we talk to ourselves - that inner voice runs the show for all of us. And when that voice is constantly saying things like ‘I suck at everything’ or ‘I’m so awkward,’ it becomes the lens they see themselves through and that lens can be heavy.

Help your young person tune into that voice and slowly start to shift it with this simple hack that I love and still use myself:

Ask: What would you say to a friend who was feeling like this?
Then: Can you try saying that to yourself?

Even if it feels weird at first, it’s really powerful because it shines the light on how they are treating themselves. This can become a little daily ritual too, one kind thing they say to themselves. Write it in their notes app, journal, sticky note or even saying it to themselves in the mirror.

Being kind to yourself isn’t weird, it’s powerful and it’s one of the biggest game changers for real, grounded confidence.

3. They need safe spaces to be exactly who they are

Confidence can’t grow in environments where they feel constantly judged, compared, or like they’re never quite enough. What they need are spaces that feel safe, supportive and low pressure, where they can just be.

Spaces where:

They’re not walking on eggshells

Mistakes aren’t a big deal

They don’t have to fake it

They feel seen, heard, accepted, and supported

That’s exactly why I created Heartful Humans, because I needed that kind of space when I was younger.

Whether it’s through a creative activity, a confidence-building course, 1:1 mentoring or just a kind conversation with someone who gets them, young people need that place where they can take the mask off and be their full, messy, amazing selves.

If I could go back and talk to younger me, I'd tell her…

That it's ok to be figuring life out. You're not too much, you're not falling behind and you're not broken. You're human, you're growing, you're learning and you're so worthy exactly as you are.

If your young person needs to hear that right now, maybe you can remind them.Or send them my way because that’s is exactly what I’m here for. To help them feel proud of who they are, remind them they’re not alone and to support you in building them up. Because they’re not too sensitive, or too quiet, or too anything, they’re just trying to find their way. And they don’t have to do it alone.

Annabel 💙

I've opened up a few spots for 1:1 online mentoring. If you think your young person could use some extra support, you're welcome to book a Free 15 Minute Connection Call with me to see if it's a good fit. Book here 💛