How to Help Your Teen Break Out of the 'What If' Spiral

Does your young person ever get stuck in the ‘what if’ spiral - what if I fail, what if nobody likes me, what if something bad happens? These spirals can leave them anxious, overwhelmed, and convinced they’re not good enough, no matter how much you try to reassure them.

These kinds of spirals can be really exhausting because they can feel like an endless loop of self doubt and worry and no amount of logic seems to be able to stop them. 

When the brain senses a threat (even if it’s just giving a presentation at school), it triggers a stress response. So instead of calmly problem solving, your teen’s brain jumps into overwhelm mode because their nervous system is genuinely convinced something bad is about to happen. This can leave them feeling powerless and out of control.

For a young person, those ‘what if’ thoughts feel very real and very heavy. Their brain is stuck in survival mode so it’s scanning for danger, predicting the worst, and convincing them that they can’t cope.

While we can’t magically erase those thoughts for them, there are some simple things that can help your young person loosen anxiety’s grip so they can start to trust themselves again.

3 Practical Ways to Break the Spiral

Here are three easy strategies you can try right away with your young person. None of them require hours of effort, but they can make a real difference.

1. Anchor Them in the Present with the 5 senses

When your teen spirals into what ifs, bring them back to what is.

Ask them to check in with one thing they can see, hear, smell, taste and touch

Instead of their brain running wild with scary scenarios, it has to pay attention to what’s real and right in front of them. This helps break that cycle of self-doubt and reminds them they’re safe right now, in this moment

It a simple one, but naming the present moment can really help to calm an anxious brain.

2. The Worry Carpark

If your young person can’t stop thinking about something that hasn’t even happened yet, give them a safe place to park it.

Have a worry notebook, jar or whiteboard

When a worry comes up, they can write it down and park it there

What if I mess up my test?, What if I’m no good at X etc.

By writing it down and parking it, their brain gets the message that the thought isn’t being ignored, it’s just being saved for later. If it still feels important later, it can be revisited but most of the time they realise those worries weren’t as big as their anxious brain made them out to be, which helps build self-belief and resilience

3. Model Calm, Not Solutions

When teens spiral, our instinct is often to reassure them - ‘You’ll be fine! Stop worrying!’ etc. But that can feel dismissive.

Instead, try:

Using a calm tone.

Sitting with them without rushing to fix.

Saying something like: ‘I can see this feels really big for you. I’m here.’

Sometimes your calm presence is more powerful than the perfect words.

Breaking the what if spiral isn’t about snapping your fingers and making anxiety vanish. It’s about giving your young person tools to feel safe, grounded, and capable even when their brain is telling them otherwise.

Every small win counts. Each time your young person interrupts that spiral, even for a few seconds, they’re proving to themselves that they can cope. Over time, that builds real self-confidence, resilience, and a deep trust in their own ability to handle hard moments. That’s how anxiety loosens its grip, and how your teen starts to feel more capable, calm, and enough,  exactly as they are.

Extra Support

In my 1:1 mentoring sessions, I help young people learn practical, teen friendly tools to calm their anxiety, boost their self-worth, and build unshakeable confidence in who they are.

If you’re curious to see if it’s the right fit, you can book a free 15 minute Connection Call with me. No pressure, just a friendly chat to see what it's all about.

Click here to book your free call.

Annabel 💛