When Your Teen Thinks They’re Not Good Enough: Building Confidence in Anxious Young People

Hearing a young person say things like ‘I’m dumb,’ ‘I’ll never be good enough,’ or ‘I’m such a failure’ are heavy thoughts that can really weigh down their self-esteem and make everyday life feel quite overwhelming. When anxiety gets loud, it loves to chip away at confidence until your teen starts believing the worst about themselves. With small consistent steps, confidence can be rebuilt which helps them see themselves in a new light. 

Here are some practical ways to support them:

1. Reframe Mistakes as Stepping Stones

Instead of letting mistakes fuel the ‘not good enough’ story, help them see them as part of growth.

‘This didn’t go the way you wanted, but it’s proof you were brave enough to try.’

‘Every time you try, it teaches you something new -  what’s one thing you learnt this time?’

‘Nobody gets it right the first time. This is just one step on the way forward.’

When mistakes are reframed as lessons rather than a proof of failure, they stop feeling like roadblocks and start looking like opportunities. The reframing shows them that each step is moving them in the direction they want to go even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. 

2. Catch and Gently Challenge Negative Self-Talk

When a teen says things like ‘I’m hopeless’ or ‘I’ll never get this right,’ it can be really tempting to jump in and correct them with things like ‘of course you’re not’ or ‘that’s not true’  but that often doesn’t land. It can feel dismissive and even though we mean well, it doesn’t give them a sense that they have been seen or heard. Instead, the goal is to help them notice the thought they’re having without letting it take over.

You might try:

‘I can hear how tough this feels. What would make this just a little bit easier for you right now?’

‘That sounds kinda harsh - would you say the same thing to someone else in your shoes? If not, what would you say to them?’

“ I get that you feel this way. What’s the tiniest next step you could try anyway?’

Why this works: You’re not dismissing their feelings, but you're gently poking holes in their ‘I’m not good enough’ story. Over time, this helps them see that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts.

3. Share Real-Life Examples of Resilience

Sometimes the most powerful way to challenge the ‘not good enough’ belief is to show them that even the people they admire struggle too. Lots of famous athletes, artists, and creators openly share their battles with self-doubt and setbacks.

Billie Eilish has spoken about her struggles with body image and how she sometimes felt like she wasn’t enough, yet she continues to use her voice to inspire millions.

Simone Biles, one of the greatest gymnasts in history, stepped back from competition at the Tokyo Olympics to protect her mental health, showing that even the best in the world put their well being first.

Shawn Mendes has been open about anxiety and how he’s learned to take things one step at a time rather than letting self-doubt control him.

Zendaya has admitted she sometimes questions herself in new roles, yet she keeps showing up, learning, and pushing her limits.

Stories like these remind young people that it’s normal to struggle and that confidence isn’t about never doubting yourself, it’s about finding ways to keep going even when you do.

4. Remind Them Confidence Can Grow

When a teen feels ‘not good enough,’ it can feel permanent, like this is just who they are. A huge shift happens when they realise confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have -  it’s something that can grow.

Confidence builds from small wins, from showing up even when it’s uncomfortable, and from recognising strengths that go beyond grades, performance, or comparison to others. The more they practise facing challenges in small, doable ways, the more their brain learns: “I can handle this.”

Every step forward, no matter how tiny, is proof to them that change is possible.

When Extra Support Helps

Sometimes young people hear things differently when it comes from someone outside the family or outside their circle. Through 1:1 mentoring, I support young people who are stuck in self-doubt, low self-worth, and anxiety. Together, we work on building their confidence, resilience, and belief in themselves so they can start seeing that they are already enough, exactly as they are.

f you’re curious to see if it’s the right fit, you can book a free 15 minute Connection Call with me. No pressure, just a friendly chat to see what it's all about.

Click here to book your free call.

 Annabel 💛