My Teen Has Zero Confidence - Where Do I Even Start?

If your young person is constantly putting themselves down, dodging anything that might make them look silly, or quietly shrinking into the background instead of speaking up, you’re not alone. Unfortunately it's super common in the world of teens and tweens.

I see incredible, funny, talented young people all the time who are convinced they’re not good enough and it’s a really hard thing to watch when you can see so much potential right in front of you. It’s even tougher for loving, well-meaning parents and caregivers who are doing their best with pep talks, encouragement and kind words but it feels like nothing is landing.

It can sometimes be overwhelming to know where to even start without accidentally making things worse but the good news is you don’t have to overhaul everything. Sometimes small, consistent shifts can create the biggest change.

Here are four powerful places to begin that really do move the needle.

1. Stop Trying to “Fix". Instead Start Listening

When your young persons confidence is low, your advice, even if it's great advice, can land like criticism. What they need first isn’t fixing, it’s feeling heard.

Try this:

Put your phone down.

Make gentle eye contact (no interrogation stares).

Let them talk, vent, ramble and resist the urge to jump in.

A simple phrase that works:

“Sounds like that’s been really hard for you. Tell me more.”

Why this works: When your young person feels truly heard, their nervous system calms down. When they’re not braced for advice or correction, they’re far more likely to open up and self trust starts to grow.

2. Make Their Strengths Visible

Something I’ve noticed with teens who have low confidence, is how much energy they spend on finding every flaw, mistake, and awkward moment and how little time they spend seeing what’s already great about them.

This is where you get to hold up the mirror so they can see the good stuff.

How to do it:

Catch them being thoughtful, responsible, brave, or creative.

Call it out right there and then.

Keep it short and sincere - no big speeches.

The key here is to be specific. Just saying “You’re amazing” will slide right off. But “I love how you put the bins out without me asking” is concrete, real, and hard to argue with.

Why this works: Specific praise helps rewire their brain so instead of their inner voice automatically going, “I’m useless,” repeated moments of clear evidence plant new thoughts like, “Maybe I am capable.” And over time, that thought pattern becomes their new baseline.

3. Stack Tiny Wins They Can Own

Confidence isn’t something we just automatically have,  it’s something we build by doing things that feel a bit stretchy and then realising, ‘Oh, I handled that’

Encourage them to try something that will give them a Tiny Win. Something that feels safe enough to try, but meaningful enough to matter to them. For example:

Order their own food at a café.

Walk the dog solo around the block.

Ask a shop assistant where something is.

Try one new exercise at sport training instead of sitting out.

Catch the bus on their own

Why this works: Every tiny win sends a powerful message to the brain: I can do more than I thought. Repeated small successes build a foundation of evidence that they are capable and this naturally expands their comfort zone. Before long, bigger challenges don’t feel so impossible.

4. Let Them See You Being Brave Too

This is one of the most powerful and overlooked ways to grow a teen’s confidence. You can tell your teen “you’ve got this!” all day long, but if they see you avoiding things that scare you, the message won’t stick.

Instead, let them see you try something new. Admit that you’re nervous, then do it anyway. Whether it’s speaking up at work, joining a class, or asking for help at the shops, you’re showing them what real courage looks like. It proves to them that confidence isn’t about being fearless. It’s about feeling the fear and doing the thing anyway.

Why this works: Teens learn way more from what we do than what we say. When you try something new, admit that you’re nervous, and then do it anyway, you’re showing them what courage looks like in real life.They stop thinking that confidence means never being scared and start realising that it means being scared, but doing it anyway. That shift is truly life changing - I wish I learnt this way back when!

The Bottom Line

Helping your young persons confidence can come from just a few simple changes:

Listening instead of fixing

Shining a light on their strengths

Creating small, doable wins

Modelling bravery yourself

 Start small, be consistent, and watch the little shifts compound into big changes.

Your teen is already enough they just need to start believing it too.

Want extra support for your teen’s confidence? 

I offer gentle, practical 1:1 mentoring sessions for young people who are struggling with self-doubt, low self-esteem, or just not feeling good enough.

If you’re curious to see if it’s the right fit, you can book a free 15 minute Connection Call with me. No pressure, just a friendly chat to see what it's all about.

Click here to book your free call.

Annabel 💛