A couple of weekends ago, I had plans, social invitations from people I really like.

But I cancelled everything and stayed home alone the entire weekend. I didn't even take phone calls.

Even though I live by myself, you'd think I get plenty of alone time, but I'm a sensitive soul and find that I need more of it than most. Sometimes, I'm just done. I'm completely tapped out and socialising, even with lovely people, takes energy I just don't have.

Over the years I've learnt to listen to my body and recharge, guilt free and what I learnt was that when I do this, I feel human again. I feel calm, clear-headed and like myself.

This could be what your teen is trying to tell you when they disappear into their room or bail on plans. Maybe they're not being difficult, maybe they're recharging. And if you have a sensitive teen or anxious child, understanding this need is even more important.

Why Alone Time Isn't Selfish - It's Survival

Not everyone refuels the same way. Some people (extroverts) get energy from being around others. They thrive on connection and conversation.

Others (like me, and maybe your teen) lose energy when socialising. Even when it's fun. Even with people we love. Our batteries drain, and we need quiet to recharge. Even though I live alone, that doesn't mean I'm automatically recharged. There's a difference between being physically alone and having true space where no one needs anything from you.

If you're parenting a sensitive teen or anxious child, the world is just louder for them. More intense. More... everything. By the end of the day, they're carrying a lot more than you might realise. They might struggle to calm down because they're overstimulated, not because they're being difficult.

What happens when alone time is skipped:

Everything irritates you (even things you normally like)

Small tasks feel impossible

You get headaches, stomach aches, or just feel "off"

You shut down completely

You might feel like everything is too much

What happens when alone time is honoured:

Your brain settles

You stop feeling annoyed at everyone

You actually want to be around people again

You feel like you again

You can show up better for yourself and others

Quick Check: Is It Isolation or Recharging?

I know some parents worry when their teen spends a lot of time alone. If you don't know how to help or you're concerned something's wrong, here's how to tell the difference:

Isolation (worth checking in about): Withdrawing because of depression or anxiety. They seem heavier, sadder, and have stopped doing things they used to enjoy. They might seem like they're not themselves anymore.

Recharging (totally healthy): Taking intentional alone time that restores them. They seem lighter after, they're still doing their thing (gaming, reading, creating etc.), and they re-engage when they're ready.

Not sure which it is? You could gently ask: "Are you recharging, or is something bothering you?" Then listen without jumping in to fix. If they won't talk to you right away, that's okay - sometimes they just need time to process first.

How to Know When Your Teen Needs Alone Time

The signs to watch for:

Irritable for no clear reason

Everything feels like too much

Even people they like are annoying them

They feel drained after hanging out (even if it was good)

They're craving silence and zero interaction

Physical stuff: headaches, tension, exhaustion

Your teen might not know how to explain this yet. They might just snap "Leave me alone!" or say "I'm tired." Translation: I'm overstimulated and need space to reset.

You can help them connect the dots: "You seem overwhelmed. Do you think your body needs some alone time?" This is especially important for sensitive teens and anxious kids who may not recognise their own signals yet.

What to Say When People Don't Understand

Things you (or your teen) might hear:

"But you're always alone!"

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why are you being so antisocial?"

Many teens (and adults) struggle when others don't understand their need for alone time. If you feel like you're walking on eggshells trying to navigate this, here's what can help:

What to say back:

For you:

"I'm recharging. I'll reach out soon."

"Alone time helps me function better."

For your teen:

"I just need quiet right now."

"I'm not upset, I'm recharging."

What you can say to family/friends:

"They're not being rude, they're taking care of themselves."

"Give them space. They'll come back when they're ready."

We don't owe anyone an explanation of our nervous system. "I need this" is enough. And teaching your teen this early helps them believe in themselves and trust their needs.

How to Model This for Your Teen (Without the Guilt)

Your teen watches what you do more than they listen to what you say. If you wish you had the right words to teach them about self-care, you can start by showing them.

If you tell them "It's fine to need alone time" but then apologise profusely every time you take it, they learn that needing space is something to feel bad about.

You could model it like this:

Say it plainly: "I need some alone time this afternoon."

Skip the apology: Just "I need this" (not "I'm so sorry, I know I should want to hang out but...")

Show them it works: "I feel so much better after that break."

Hold your boundary: "I get you want to chat, but I need this time."

I had so much guilt around this at first and felt bad for not wanting to hang out with the people I loved. But the more I've practised this over the last 5 years or so, I can see the growth I've experienced and can now put guilt-free boundaries in place that feel good for me.

I wish someone had told me this was okay when I was younger. I spent years forcing myself to show up when I was running on empty. And it didn't make me a better friend, it just made me exhausted and resentful and I didn't prioritise or believe that my needs matter. Teaching them that their needs do matter now will serve them well for years to come.

How to Protect Alone Time for Sensitive Teens and Anxious Kids

For you:

Schedule it (treat it like a meeting you can't cancel)

Say it clearly: "I'm taking Sunday afternoon for myself."

Drop the guilt—you're refuelling, not being selfish

For your teen:

Help them spot the signs (irritability, overwhelm, physical symptoms)

Agree on a simple signal: "I need alone time" = no questions, just space

Respect their closed door (quick check-in is fine: "You good?" "Yeah." "Cool.")

Don't take it personally when they retreat - they're not rejecting you

Make it safe: "It's okay to need time alone. Just let me know you're alright."

For everyone:

Accept that people recharge differently (and that's fine)

Respect boundaries without making it weird

Check in lightly: "Need anything?" not "Why are you always hiding?"

When you create this safe space for alone time, you want them to feel confident in knowing and honouring their needs.

What Changes When Alone Time Is Honoured

For you:

You stop resenting social plans

You're actually present when you do show up

You feel more like yourself

Your patience comes back

You just want them to be happy in their own skin - and modelling this helps

For your teen:

Less snappy and reactive

More willing to hang out after they've recharged

Better at handling stress

Actually talks to you (after their alone time)

Fewer complete meltdowns

They start to like themselves more because they're honouring their needs

When alone time is respected, not questioned or guilt-tripped, everyone is better off.

You're Allowed to Need What You Need

You're not broken for needing alone time. Your sensitive teen or anxious child isn't being difficult for needing it either.

It's about honouring what you need to function. When you do that without apologising, you show them it's okay to take care of themselves. You want them to believe in themselves and trust their bodies and to know that listening to and acting on what we each need isn't selfish, it's necessary.

When Your Teen Needs Extra Support

Sometimes young people need a safe place to feel seen and supported outside the home.

Through 1:1 mentoring for teens and tweens, I work with young people who feel stuck in loneliness, low self-worth, low confidence or feel anxious. We talk about friendships, confidence, anxiety, and finding their people in a way that feels supportive, not therapy-ish or preachy. Together, we focus on tools to help flip the switch on these feelings.

If you're curious to see if it's the right fit, you can book a free 15 minute Connection Call with me here. No pressure, just a friendly chat to see what it's all about.

If your teen is struggling to find their place right now, mentoring can give them the support and tools they need to reconnect with others, and with themselves.

Annabel 💛